Here Be Dragons: What the Hardest Things Taught Me Before 40
I'm turning 40 in 7 days, and thinking back on the last decade all of the most meaningful things in my life have happened along the path winding directly through the places on the map marked "HERE BE DRAGONS".
"Here be dragons" used to be a warning tag in my task manager. I don't know that I completed even one task with that label.
No matter how much time I had available to me, when I sat down in front of that task it wouldn't be 30 minutes before I was doing something else entirely.
I used to write it off as procrastination, but I've learned since that procrastination isn't the problem. It is a defence mechanism to avoid feeling bored, overwhelmed or having to face what actually scares me.
A way to help me avoid doing difficult things.
Even today, I was doing my weekly debrief and realised that I've avoided sending out a 3-month overdue price increase email because I'm terrified of how my clients will receive it, dressing up my failure to act each time as, "this other thing is more important, let me do that first".
There are plenty of ways to avoid doing difficult things, and I've embraced all them with relish:
- avoiding difficult conversations
- embracing lazy excuses for not taking care of my body
- doing something fun because the alternative is boring or scary
- uncritically accepting the first answer because asking the obvious follow-up question will lead to discomfort.
But as we're building into our family DNA, in the words of my seven-year-old: "Liprinis do tricky things."
It took reflecting on the way I fought through things that didn't have easy outs to recognise that they also produced the things I'm most proud of:
- parenting is relentless, but having a close relationship with two generally happy, well-adjusted kids is something I wouldn't exchange for anything in the world,
- becoming the primary breadwinner forced me to evolve from a part time bits-and-piecer coasting along to a highly motivated business owner with my first contractor, 15 clients and a business network I couldn't have imagined 10 years ago,
- developing business systems and life habits that sustain a healthy relationship with myself and the people closest to me while working long hours to build a business, while still delivering client projects at a standard I'm proud of,
- getting over my obsession with getting it perfect and finally releasing my first song in public.
Every one would have been tagged "here be dragons" (some with bonus exclamation points for emphasis).
And every one did come with scorch marks, exhausting slogs and multiple "how am I ever going to get through this" moments.
But here I am, more fulfilled than I have ever been, intentionally building the world I want to live in, with a careful eye on the horizon for that particular marker. Only now, not to avoid it, but to understand who I need to become to stay the course and reach the other side.
New burns. More scars. More riches than I could ever imagine from where I am now.